When I'm Gone
by Hatake Satsuki
Summary: Kakashi's world had shattered around him, leaving him lost in darkness. Heart broken, Kakashi tries to find a way out. Then, a loud and bossy voice brought light to the darkness, and healing to Kakashi's rended heart and soul. Until... KakaXSasu - KakaXOC
1. Chapter 1

Panic seemed to snatch him from his sleep, leaving him cold and shaking even as sweat trickled down his face. The darkness caressed his body and seemed to both soothe him as a lover would, and threaten him as if it were a hostile intruder. Reaching out a shaking hand, he stops, listening carefully. Something was missing, something that he should hear in the darkness, something he should feel. Something wasn't right, and the panic that drove him from the dream grabbed his heart again. Sliding carefully from the bed, shaking hand flicking the light switch, careful to not knock the light over, he turns his head, automatically shielding his eyes from the sudden stab of brightness. Sliding slowly to sit on the floor beside the bed, he lets his eyes adjust to the light before lifting his head and gazing around the room. There were so many little hints that something was missing. _Someone_ was missing.

"Sasuke!"

Scrambling to his feet, Kakashi whips around and stares at the bed. The blanket was jumbled at the foot of the bed, half in the floor. The sheets were wet with sweat and twisted in the center of the bed. There was no one else in the bed, only the damp outline where Kakashi's sweat soaked body had writhed in the throes of panicked dreams. Dropping to his knees as a sob rips from his throat, Kakashi doesn't even notice the pain the shoots up from his knees when they connect with the hard floor. Reaching out, he bunches his hands in the twisted sheets and leans his head forward, resting his forehead against the edge of the bed as he cries, body trembling, not from panic now, but from pain. The memories were never far when he was awake, and now his sleep was no longer a respite. The dreams he'd hoped would never come had started. There was no where left to hide, no place to escape.

It had been just over three months since Sasuke had died, and the shock was slowly being replaced by a soul wrenching grief. Kneeling on the floor next to the bed he once shared with Sasuke, Kakashi cries until he's drained and exhausted. Slumping back to sit on the floor, eyes closed, he takes a deep, shaking breath. Turning slowly, Kakashi opens his eyes and stares out across the room, leaning back against the bed once again. Nothing had changed since the day Sasuke died. As if the memory was a solid thing, Kakashi once again feels the weight of Sasuke's body in his arms. Whimpering, eyes closing once again, he slips back into the memory he didn't want, reliving those horrific events again.

_A startled, pained yelp rips through the sounds of battle, finding Kakashi's heart and ripping it open, terror flooding in. Forcing himself to concentrate long enough to call up Lightning Blade, Kakashi glares at the man in front of him as the jutsu rips into his chest, sending him to his knees. When Kakashi pulls his hand back and turns to find Sasuke, he barely hears the man fall behind him. Scanning the field around him, Kakashi is nearly in a panic, unable to find Sasuke. When he realizes that one of the torn and bloodied bodies is in fact Sasuke, Kakashi tries to scream, but only a choked moan escapes his throat. Tearing off across the field, shoving ninjas, both friend and foe out of his way, Kakashi keeps his gaze locked on Sasuke. Slipping on blood slicked grass, and tripping over unseen bodies, Kakashi finally manages to reach Sasuke's side. Dropping to his knees, he carefully pulls Sasuke into his arms, whimpering in relief when Sasuke makes small noises of pain. He was still alive._

_"Sasuke!? Oh, god, please don't take him from me yet! Not yet! Sasuke!"_

_With a soft groan of pain, Sasuke opens his eyes, though he didn't seem able to focus on anything. Kakashi tears his gaze away from Sasuke's battered and bloodied face with some effort, moving one hand carefully over his body, trying to see just how much damage was done, and where it was. It only takes him a few moments to realize that the wounds were fatal. It looked like Sasuke had been ripped open from chest to stomach again and again, almost like giant claws had raked him open. Whimpering around the agony that clutched at his throat, Kakashi lifted Sasuke up, hugging him carefully to his chest, letting his tears wash over Sasuke's face, leaving trails behind, painfully pale flesh peeking through the layer of blood._

_"Sasuke, please hold on. You've got to hold on for me." Lifting his head, Kakashi stares straight ahead, not seeing anything through the tears and his own panic. "Sakura! Sakura, Sasuke needs you! Now! SAKURA!!!"_

_"K-kakashi... too late... going to... die..."_

_"No you're not damnit! Don't say things like that! You've got to hold on! Sakura can help you!" Lifting his head again, Kakashi feels his throat clench, unable to call for Sakura for a moment. "Sakura! Please! Hurry!"_

_Feeling a tug on his mask, Kakashi looks back down at Sasuke. Without thinking he lifts a hand and tugs his mask down out of the way, letting Sasuke see his face. When Sasuke's hand reaches up and rests lightly against his cheek, Kakashi closes his eyes and leans his face into that bloody hand as a sob rips itself from his throat. Opening his eyes again, Kakashi looks down at Sasuke and knows that the younger man was slowly beginning to slip away. He'd known all along that Sasuke was lost to him, but he refused to believe it. Seeing the light slowly fading from his eyes, Kakashi was no longer able to deny it however. Reaching out, he cups a hand over one of Sasuke's cheeks, his finger tracing over the soft skin of his face, not noticing the blood. Leaning in, he places on last tender kiss against Sasuke's lips._

_Pulling back from the kiss, Kakashi smiles weakly in answer to the loving smile Sasuke was giving him. "I love you Sasuke, always."_

_"I love you Kakashi. Thank you... for making my... life better. You completed me."_

_As Kakashi watches, the last of the light fades from Sasuke's eyes. His hand drops away and Kakashi immediately grabs his mask and tugs it back into place. Reaching out, he carefully closes Sasuke's eyes, then tenderly rests his hand on his cheek once again. Slowly he begins to rock back and forth, the tears stopping slowly, leaving behind a deep abyss in the middle of his soul. Sasuke had said that Kakashi completed him. In that moment, Kakashi knew that it was true the other way as well. Sasuke had completed him, and with him gone, there was something inside of him that was gone as well. That deep emptiness that could never be filled. Closing hie eyes, Kakashi leans down, pressing his forehead to Sasuke's shoulder, holding him tightly as he rocked slowly._

_"Kakashi-sensei! What happened to Sasuke! Let him go, let me see! I can help him!"_

_"No Sakura. It's too late. He's gone. Go help the others."_

_Part of Kakashi is alarmed by just how empty his voice was, as if that abyss in his soul stretched to fill even his words. When the battle finally ends, Kakashi remains, holding Sasuke and rocking. The wounded are gathered and reinforcements come to carry them home. The bodies of the dead are gathered by those that survived the fight and weren't too injured to help. No one went anywhere near Kakashi, letting him carry Sasuke home himself. It took several hours for Kakashi to convince himself to let go of Sasuke's body once they got back to the village. He refused treatment from the medics that swarmed him as soon as he'd stepped away from Sasuke, pushing several people out of his way, heading for the home that had been only recently filled with the sound of Sasuke's voice, his laughter._

Pulling himself from the memory, Kakashi curls forward, wrapping his arms around his legs as pain grips his chest. Sobbing, he slowly uncurls himself and crawls across the floor. Stopping at the chair that sat near the bed, Kakashi reached out a trembling hand and takes the shirt that had been laying there for three months, dragging it down out of the chair. Sitting back, he holds the shirt in his lap, not really seeing it around the blur of tears. Closing his eyes, he sees Sasuke taking the shirt off and tossing it onto the chair as he got dressed for what would be his last mission. Opening his eyes again, Kakashi is able to see the shirt this time. It had been Sasuke's favorite shirt. A deep navy blue with the Uchiha crest on the shoulder. Lifting the shirt, Kakashi presses his face into the soft cloth and breathes deeply of the rich scent that was Sasuke, pain gripping his chest again.

Pushing to his feet shakily, Kakashi turns back to the bed. Staggering more than walking, he makes his way over to the bed and drops down on the edge, Sasuke's shirt still held against his face. Eyes closed, he lets happier memories flicker through his mind, finally settling on the memory of the day he'd given the shirt to Sasuke. It had been a present for his twenty-third birthday. Kakashi had had a hard time keeping the secret about the shirt until Sasuke's birthday, but it had been worth it just to see the joy on his face when he saw the new shirt. Groaning in pain, Kakashi lays down, drawing his legs up and curling his body into the fetal position in the center of the bed, the shirt clutched to his chest. Sleep claims him in this position not long after, and his sleep is blessedly dream free this time.

* * *

**AN: **This is by far the darkest chapter of the entire story. While there are other dark chapters, none come even close to the darkness of this one.

I was asked this when I first posted this chapter on DeviantArt, so I thought I'd answer it here before it was asked... just in case. Yes, Sasuke is dead in the first chapter. I'll say nothing more. You'll have to read the rest of the story to get any more.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Kakashi?_"

Sitting up in the bed, Kakashi glances down at the empty spot next to him, then looks around the room as he speaks. "Sasuke? What's wrong?"

Seeing the room was empty, wakefulness comes completely, and with it memory. Pain grips his heart, squeezing slowly, making it difficult to breathe. Hunching on the bed, Kakashi drops his head down, hiding his face in his hands, muffling the groan of pain that rips itself from his throat. He begins to rock slowly, unaware that he's moving. He'd been dreaming of Sasuke on almost a nightly basis for months now. Most of the dreams were pleasant memories now, rather than the dream of his death that he had to keep witnessing again and again in his sleep for so long. Sometimes Kakashi thought that the memories of the happier times hurt so much more than the pain of reliving Sasuke's death. That helpless feeling of holding him, watching the life drain away from him was almost preferable to remembering what he'd once had, and then lost.

Kakashi had started fighting sleep when the dreams had started to prove to be too much. He just kept going, kept himself moving, doing anything to keep himself awake until he could deny the exhaustion that pulled at him no longer, collapsing into the bed. For a while this worked to hold the dreams at bay. He'd push himself until he was not only too exhausted to stay awake, but he was also too exhausted to dream. It was the only time his mind could shut down completely. He'd pushed himself like that for so long that Tsunade had finally stepped in, threatening to put him in the hospital, strapped to a bed and forced into regular sleep patterns with drugs. The thought of being away from the home he'd shared with Sasuke for so many years was the only thing that could break through that need to run, to hide from the dreams. It was then that the dreams had begun to change, that he'd begun to dream of the happier times rather than that last horrible day.

It had been a little over a year since Sasuke's death, and Kakashi still felt the pain of his loss as if it was only a day. Kakashi knew that everyone around him was watching him, waiting for his grief to end, for him to return to normal. What he knew but couldn't tell them was that he would never be normal again, because he'd never be whole again. He wouldn't stop mourning the loss of Sasuke because he couldn't stop missing the piece of himself that had been ripped away when he'd watched the light of life fade from Sasuke's eyes. At first people would come and go, attempting to comfort him, then gradually as time passed and his pain didn't lessen, the people stopped coming. They could see that it was pointless, and they finally understood that Kakashi wanted to be alone with his pain until the time came that he could finally join Sasuke.

There had been times soon after Sasuke's death that Kakashi had contemplated joining him, but he knew he could never do that. Sasuke would never forgive him for doing something so foolish. They'd talked once after a particularly harsh mission about death. They'd laid in bed, clinging to one another and laying their feelings bare. Neither could bear the thought of living without the other, but they both agreed on one thing, not knowing just how foolish it was. They'd agreed should one die, the other was to move on with his life, because life was for living. They were ninjas and they were still needed whether there was two of them, or just one. Sasuke had said it first, but Kakashi had agreed...

"_When I'm gone, I want you to continue living. Live for both of us. Make your life a memorial to mine. Continue to keep the village that we both love, safe. Honor my memory by living as I would have lived._"

"_Yes, I will. I can't imagine ever living without you, but if the unthinkable should happen, I want you to know that I would never forget you. I would continue to move forward with the knowledge that you are looking down on me with pride and love in your eyes._" _Kakashi turns his head, looking onto Sasuke's eyes for a moment before leaning in to kiss him with the softest brush of lips, like the __caress__ of a butterfly's wing. _"_And you must promise me the same, my love. You must go on without me, but know that even when I'm gone, I'll never really be gone. I'll live on in your heart, and I will be looking down on you, watching you with the same pride and love I watch you with now._"

A harsh insistent banging on his door snatches Kakashi from his memory. Lifting his head from his hands, Kakashi looks over at the door, slightly dazed. No one had been around to see him in a few months. Part of him wanted to ignore the insistent knocking at his door, but a larger part of him was curious. Without conscious thought, Kakashi had come to the decision that it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself. He'd promised Sasuke, and he'd promised himself. He didn't know if he could move on, but he knew that he could continue living with just a little effort. With a resigned sigh, he decides this was the time to put forth that first effort.

Sliding out of the bed, Kakashi pauses only long enough to pull on a rumpled pair of pants, not caring if they were dirty or clean. Padding silently across the room, he reaches out for the door just as the insistent knocking comes again. Muttering under his breath, Kakashi snatches the door open and stares blinking at the ninja standing in front of him. Her vest identified her as jounin, but Kakashi didn't recognize her at first. After a few moments of staring, Kakashi shakes his head and steps back, motioning her into his room. As she stepped past him he felt the first stirrings of recognition. He'd seen her before, he just didn't remember when or what her name was. Closing the door, Kakashi leans back against the door and looks at her silently.

"This place is disgusting. You really should stop feeling sorry for yourself and clean this place up."

Kakashi feels a stirring of anger in his chest and clenches his hands at his sides. As he watches, the woman moves across the room, kicking random bits of trash and dirty clothing out of her way, clearing a path the the chair at the desk. Reaching down, she gathers up the few shirts that were laying carelessly in the chair, or draped across the back, tossing them across the room to the pile she'd kicked into the corner as she'd moved across the room. It takes Kakashi a moment to realize that a couple of the shirts were Sasuke's. When realization comes it brings a senseless anger with it. Biting back a growled curse, Kakashi clenches his hands tighter and just glares silently at the other ninja. Taking several deep breathes, Kakashi forces himself to calm enough to be able to think, to speak.

"What do you want?"

"I have a mission."

"A mission? What, to come and insult me and my home?"

"Something like that."

Kakashi glares at the woman, trying not to notice that her black hair reminded him so much of Sasuke's. Trying to distract himself from this thought, Kakashi lowers his gaze from her black hair to the leaf green of her eyes instead. "Who are you?"

"Don't remember me, huh? Guess I shouldn't be surprised, we've only met a couple of times. The first time was a quick introduction at the Chunin exams a few years ago. The second time... well, I don't think you really knew I or anyone else was there that second time. I was part of the reinforcements that came when your last mission went so damn wrong." She pauses and just stares blandly at him, as if waiting for something. When Kakashi makes no move to speak, she just shrugs and continues. "I'm Kyoko. Kyoko Anami. I'm part of a special branch of the medic ninjas."

Kakashi just nods, not wanting to think about the second time he'd seen her. He knew when she meant, and he even vaguely remembered having seen her. Instead he concentrated on what she said her position was. It takes a few moments to clear the cobwebs from his mind enough for realization to finally come to him. Looking sharply at her, he frowns and hunches his shoulders as he peers across the room at her. _Special branch of the medic ninjas._ He knew what that meant. She was a psychologist. It was pretty obvious what her 'mission' was then. Sighing, Kakashi pushes away from the door and trudges across the room to drop back onto his bed, laying back and staring up at the ceiling.

"If you've come to help the crazy ninja, you're wasting your time. I can handle this just fine on my own."

"Sure you can. You've certainly done a great job for the past fifteen months."

Kakashi clenches his fists at his side, teeth grinding as he clenches his jaws around all the rude things he wanted to yell at the woman. Irritated, Kakashi stays silent, not giving the woman the satisfaction of reacting verbally to her taunts. It doesn't occur to Kakashi for several minutes that their had to be a reason she was being so rude to him when she was supposed to be there to help him. With realization comes embarrassment and a small bit of curiosity. Pushing himself up so that he rested back against his elbows, but was able to see the ninja across the room, he thinks back, trying to remember if she'd been there before while he was so lost in his pain. So many people had come and gone initially, and he'd been so lost in pain and self-pity that most of the faces that he saw were now blurred together in his memory.

Frowning, he returns his attention to the psychologist. "Were you here before?"

Kyoko leans back in her seat, seeming to relax slightly, some of the tension leaving her eyes. "No, not me. One of my colleagues came shortly after you returned, and periodically after that for several months, but there was no getting through to you. He gave up. Most of the medics, the psychological branch in particular, gave you up as a lost cause long ago."

"Then why are you here?"

"I told you, I have a mission."

"The Hokage sent you?"

Kyoko gave her head a small shake before she speaks. "No, but she didn't discourage my coming here either."

Kakashi's head is already spinning, so he doesn't push this train of thought any further. He didn't think the ninja was trying to be deliberately confusing, but he wasn't going to keep walking into the tangled web of that topic. Instead, Kakashi pushes himself up to a sitting position and looks around the room. His gaze lingers a few times on some of the articles of clothing that were all that was left of Sasuke and the time they had together. Pain still grabs at his heart when he sees Sasuke's clothes, a reminder of his failure to save the one he loved, but with the pain now came a certain amount of embarrassment. Hunching his shoulders, Kakashi stares at the floor next to his bed, remembering the memory he'd been lost in when Kyoko had knocked on his door. For the first time in over a year, Kakashi felt determination starting to grow in him once again.

Kyoko stands and moves silently across the room to the door and stops, turning to look back at Kakashi before she leaves. "I'll give you time. I'll be back in a day or two."

Kakashi only nods as he watches her walk out the door and close it behind her. Looking back at the mess he'd let his room become, Kakashi shakes his head and pushes to his feet, beginning to clean up slowly, whispering to the empty room, "I'm sorry, Sasuke."


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi moves silently through the village, working his way back to his rooms, not looking at a single person he passed. Lost in thought and moving on instinct, Kakashi is nearly to his front door before he realizes that someone was standing next to his door, watching him approach. Startled, he stops and looks up, nearly dropping the basket of clothes he carried in his arms. Struggling from his thoughts, Kakashi frowns at the woman standing there, clearly waiting for him until he finally remembers her. Sighing, he shakes his head and continues forward. Stopping at his door, he shifts the basket to open the door with one hand. Walking in, he sets the basket next to the door long enough to slip his shoes off before taking up the basket again and moving into the room, setting the basket on the bed. When he hears the door close, he glances back over his shoulder.

"What do you want this time, Kyoko?"

"I told you I'd be back in a couple of days. So, here I am."

Shaking his head, Kakashi turns back to the basket of clothes on his bed. Upending the basket, he dumps out the clean clothes onto his bed and sets the basket aside. He sets about folding the clothes, ignoring how his hands shake when he comes to an article of Sasuke's clothing. After several minutes of silence, Kakashi pauses and looks back over his shoulder at Kyoko once more. Seeing the woman still standing next to the door, watching him intently, Kakashi frowns. He knew she was waiting for something from him, but at the moment, he was determined not to give in to her. He didn't know what she wanted, but her sudden appearance and the intense look on her face rubbed him the wrong way. Hunching his shoulders and concentrating on folding the last few pieces of clothing, Kakashi smiles for the first time in over a year as it occurs to him that he was being just as surly as Sasuke had ever been.

Movement from behind him draws Kakashi's attention. Taking up the basket, he moves across the room and sets it in the corner, watching Kyoko move through his room, looking at this and that. Scowling at the invasion of his privacy, Kakashi stops in her path, forcing her to stop moving about his room and look up at him. He's caught once again by her eyes. They were the bright green of oak leaves, but they held the hardness of diamonds. Something about those eyes called to Kakashi and made him relax in spite of himself. Frowning slightly, Kakashi moves back to the bed and gathers up his clothes, moving silently across the room to put them away in the proper drawers. When the last of his clothes have been put away, he moves back to the bed and stares down at Sasuke's clothes. Noticing the shaking of his hands again, Kakashi balls them into fists at his sides to stop the shaking.

"This place looks a hell of a lot better than it did the last time I was here, but it's still a dump. I guess you let it go too far if it's taking you this long to get it clean."

Kakashi spins around, ready to lash out at the woman standing in the middle of his room and insulting him again. The compassion in her eyes stops him cold and he he blinks at her, confused. The look in her eyes was at odds with her harsh, insulting words. Slowly in dawns on Kakashi why this was. Blinking again in surprise, Kakashi hunches his shoulders and turns back to the bed, hiding his gratitude from the other ninja as he gathers up Sasuke's clothes. She's distracted him from the pain that was trying to distract him again, threatening to push him back into the dark hole he'd only recently managed to claw his way out of. Taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders, Kakashi gathers up Sasuke's clothes and moves across the room to the closet. Without giving himself time to think, he pulls the door open and slips inside, setting Sasuke's clothes up on a shelf and stepping out.

As Kakashi closes the closet door behind him, he feels his heart thumping almost painfully fast in his chest, so he distracts himself by finally speaking to Kyoko. "If you're so worried about it, why don't you stick around and help me clean instead of just insulting me?"

Kyoko laughs, catching Kakashi off guard again, making him slump back against the door as if he'd been struck. After a few moments he realizes that she'd replied and he'd not been paying attention. Embarrassed, Kakashi scowls at the floor for a moment, then looks back into those hard green eyes. "What was that?"

Kyoko lifts one eyebrow as she looks at Kakashi, a smile dancing around the corners of her mouth, which irritates him. She moves over to the desk and drops down in the chair she'd sat in the first night she'd come to see him before she replies. "I said I loathe cleaning my own rooms, why in the world would I help you clean yours? Besides, I didn't make this mess." She pauses for a moment then smiles at him which only irritates him more. "And anyway, the physical labor is good for you. You've been mostly inactive for so long, your body needs to move."

Kakashi shrugs in irritation and pushes himself away from the closet door and moves back to his bed. He drops down on the edge of the bed and stares across the room at the door, thinking about what she'd said. After several minutes of silence, he glances at her from the corner of his eyes and finally replies. "Yeah, well, it's hard. I've been inactive for so long I get tired fast. It's gonna take me a while to get this place back to what it should be, because it's gonna take my body a while to recover." Kakashi pauses, trying not to scowl as he sees Kyoko nodding from the corner of his eye. Hunching his shoulders, Kakashi crosses his arms over his chest and resumes staring at the door, trying to ignore Kyoko even as he speaks to her. "I need to get back to my training, but I think it's gonna take me a while before I can handle it. I figure, by the time I get this place back into order, I can walk over to the hospital and have myself checked out. I think it would probably be wise to have a doctor's eye on me as I get myself back into a regular training schedule again to get myself back into shape."

Kyoko nods again and leans back in the chair, arms crossed over her chest. "Well that's a good idea. I figured you were smart enough to figure that one out on your own, but I'm a little surprised that you came up with it so quickly."

Kakashi scowls again and whips around to glare at the other ninja, scathing remark ready until he catches sight of the light dancing in her eyes and the smile playing around the corners of her mouth again. Realizing he was being teased, Kakashi bites back his acid reply and glares at her for a moment. "Very funny."

Kyoko laughs again, making Kakashi start with a surprised reaction again. "Thanks, I'm glad you agree. To be honest, it is a very good idea. You need to see a doctor, it's been a while."

Kakashi laughs, though the sound is empty. "You mean other than the head doctor that seems to have made me her life's mission?"

Kyoko laughs again and shakes her head as she replies. "You're not my life's mission. You're just another mission."

"Gee, thanks a lot."

Grinning at Kakashi, Kyoko pushes to her feet and heads for the door as she replies. "Oh stop it, I know your feelings aren't hurt. Anyway, I've got patients to see today other than you. If you ever need to talk, feel free to come see me. If I'm not in my office, they can tell you where to find me. I'll be back around to see you again in a day or two."

Kakashi stops her just before she pulls the door open to leave. "Wait, a day or two? Is this going to become a regular thing? Every couple of days you show up at my door, insult me, make me take a few steps forward on the process of getting what's left of my life back on track, then leave again until the next time?"

Kyoko looks back over her shoulder, watching Kakashi silently for a minute before she replies. "Well, no. Eventually we're going to start seeing each other on a much more regular basis. You're not ready to open up to me yet. You're not ready to confront the past, and until you are, it won't do any good to push it. I'll see you soon, Kakashi."

Kakashi sits on the edge of his bed, staring at the door, frowning in thought. _You're not ready to confront the past..._ Shaking his head, Kakashi pushes to his feet and moves aimlessly through the room, straightening things that he'd left undone before. Moving automatically allowed him to think on her words. He knew she was right, he wasn't ready to relive that day. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready, but he knew that ready or not, eventually he was going to have to. He had to face the past and accept it in order to heal the pain and allow himself to move on completely as he'd promised Sasuke he would.

Thinking of Sasuke sent Kakashi back to the closet where he'd packed away his former lover's clothes. Without thinking, he reached up onto the shelf and pulled down Sasuke's favorite shirt. Stepping out of the closet and pushing the door closed behind him, Kakashi moves across the room and unfolds the shirt, laying it across the back of the chair that sat near the bed. He wasn't quite ready to let Sasuke go. It had been hard enough to pack away his things, but he didn't think he could continue to function as well as he had been in the past few days if he didn't leave himself at least one last reminder of Sasuke to cling to when things got really tough. Tracing his fingers down the shirt, Kakashi moves away slowly, forcing his eyes to take in the areas of his room that still needed work.


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi lay across his bed, watching the shadows and moonlight play across the ceiling. Life seemed to elude him the more he tried to integrate himself back into it. It had been just over a month since he'd dragged himself from the pit of despair he'd allowed himself to sink into after Sasuke's death. He'd gotten his room back in order. He'd started to slowly get his body back in order. With Kyoko's help, he was slowly getting his head back in order too. Getting his life in order however seemed to be the one thing he couldn't do. No matter what he did, no matter how many steps he took in the right direction with Kyoko, he still felt as if he were standing still. Half of himself was missing, and he couldn't figure out how to live life as a half of a person.

Closing his eyes to the play of light and shadow over the ceiling, Kakashi concentrates on the feel of the warm spring breeze washing over his body. He'd left the window and the door open to allow the breeze to blow through his room, freshening air that seemed somehow perpetually still and stale without the sound and smell of Sasuke moving about. Kyoko had taught him a technique a week before to settle his mind when his thoughts began to race and twist about. Concentrating on the physical helped to calm the mental. Kakashi had discovered a few days into the practice of this new technique that one of the best physical stimuli to allow him to find that calm center in his mind was a warm breeze. He'd taken to spending more and more time outside since then, just walking and feeling, and sometimes sitting high on a branch in a tree letting the breeze wash over him.

Opening his eyes, Kakashi pushed himself to a sitting position and stared across the room out the open door, seeing the faint sparkle of distant stars. Mind clear, he slid from the bed and moved silently to his desk. Looking out the window over the desk for several minutes, he let the breeze rustle the curtains on either side of his head. Staring up at the moon, Kakashi felt a peace that was unusual to him since Sasuke's death. Slowly, he lowered his gaze to the row of pictures lined up along the back of his desk. For a long time after the tragedy, all of his pictures had laid face down on his desk as he couldn't bear to see them. After he'd been working with Kyoko for a couple of weeks he'd been able to set the pictures back up. Reaching down, Kakashi picked up the picture of his old team, smiling at Naruto's scowl and Sasuke's aloof glare. He glanced at the picture of his own first team, smiling wider as memories of just how alike he and Obito Uchiha had been to Naruto and Sasuke when younger. Setting that picture back on the desk, Kakashi looked at some of the other pictures: Team 7 older, his parents, his father and himself, and several pictures of him and Sasuke. He smiled, then frowned at the picture taken at the Chunin exams shortly after he and Sasuke had made their grand entrance, late of course. What should have been a bright spot in their past had been marred by Orochimaru.

Pushing aside negative thoughts, Kakashi centered himself with the feel of the breeze washing over his face again. Once he felt at peace again, his gaze seemed to automatically stray to his favorite picture. It had been taken just days before that last mission had taken Sasuke from him. Kakashi picked the picture up and made himself concentrate on the picture rather than his failure. They were standing under a tree, bright sunlight falling through the leaves, leaving them dappled with light and shadow. Sasuke stood next to Kakashi, turned just slightly toward him, head tilted to look up into his smiling eyes. Kakashi's face was lit softly with joy and love, as it always was when he looked at Sasuke. Sasuke's face was a match for Kakashi's, but it seemed as if some trick of light put an unusual darkness in his eyes. Kakashi looked closer at the picture as he noticed something he'd never seen before. Sasuke's eyes weren't the same. They seemed to hold some regret not yet expressed and a deep sadness. It seemed as if he knew, even then, days before his death, that he was going to be leaving Kakashi.

Kakashi wasn't even aware he was crying until a single tear fell, glittering briefly in the moonlight before dropping onto the picture, just between he and Sasuke's images. Kakashi closed his eyes, allowing himself only a brief moment to remember the day the picture had been taken, trying to remember if he'd noticed that look in Sasuke's eyes then, or if he was only imagining he'd seen it. Love seemed to wrap a thick, comforting fog around his memories of Sasuke, and he knew that he couldn't always rely on memory for an accurate recollection. Kakashi opened his eyes again just before another tear drops to glimmer in the moonlight before splashing on Sasuke's image. A sound coming from the open door turned Kakashi to look, drawing him from the edge of that hurt.

"You missed your appointment. I figured I'd better come light a fire under your ass. It's not like you to stand me up."

Kyoko glanced down at the picture held in Kakashi's hand, but didn't comment. Kakashi saw her glance and turned back to the desk. He wiped the tears from the picture, then set it back on his desk before he turned back to face Kyoko. He leaned back against the desk and stared across the room at the other ninja, letting the warm breeze wrap around him again, drying the tears and calming his racing emotions. It wasn't until he was completely calm again that he allowed himself to really look at the woman standing in his doorway. She wore a blank mask, hiding all emotion but the compassion of a doctor in her eyes. Kakashi had spent enough time with her over the previous month however to be able to fairly accurately read her emotions even through her professional mask.

"Sorry if I worried you. I guess I lost track of time. I was enjoying the weather and trying on some more pleasant memories."

Kyoko stared silently at him for several moments, not commenting on the tears she'd seen glittering on his face when she'd first arrived. Stepping back, she motioned down the road as she spoke. "Well then, shall we take a walk and enjoy this weather?"

Kakashi smiled in spite of himself and nodded as he followed the psychologist out the door. They moved off down the road in companionable silence, each with their own thoughts until they found themselves in the same area the last picture of Kakashi and Sasuke had been taken. Kakashi looked to the tree he knew they'd been standing under in the picture. He stopped walking and stared at the tree for a while, trying to work through a jumble of emotion and thought until the mess was untangled.

"A few days before that last mission, Sasuke and I had come out this way with Iruka and some other friends, just walking and spending time talking. It wasn't often we all had downtime together, so we were just enjoying one another's company, renewing friendships." Kakashi paused and pointed at the tree. "Sasuke and I were standing under that tree talking with one of our friends when Iruka pulled out a camera and called our attention to him. He told us to smile for the camera, but Sasuke and I could only smile for one another. Iruka snapped the picture anyway. Sasuke and I both loved that picture from the moment Iruka handed it to us a couple of days later."

Kakashi paused, letting himself enjoy the warmth of that memory before forcing himself to face the doubts in his mind. "I was looking at the picture tonight and I noticed something dark in Sasuke's eyes. The longer I looked at it, the more it seemed to me that Sasuke was sad; regretful. It was almost as if he knew that moment would be one of the last happy moments we would ever have together. The last memory to keep me warm on cold nights spent alone without him." Kakashi paused to gather his thoughts, not noticing the hard look that flashed over Kyoko's face briefly, followed by a curious mix of hope and intrigue before the professional mask fell back into place.

"I tried tonight to remember back to that day. I tried to remember if I'd seen that look in his eyes then, only forgot about it, pushed it away. All of my memories are almost unreal, wrapped in this soft fog of love, all the sharp, clear edges blurred. Memory isn't reliable. I was too in love with him to notice anything negative if it was even there. Even still, I don't remember seeing that look in his eyes that day. Which do I believe? Was the look just not there, or was it there and my love blurred it away? Am I just projecting the hurt of his loss?"

"Well, that's possible of course, but not having been there myself, I can't say. That is one thing you'll have to figure out on your own. It's important to you isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"Why?"

That question left Kakashi confused for a while as he didn't know why. They walked on in silence for a long time before Kakashi finally spoke again. "I'm not sure. I just feel like it's important. There's something about that that I need to know."

Kyoko nods, but remains silent, letting Kakashi gather his thoughts further. "Part of me is saying that I need to remember, I need to know. Until I get past that, I'll never be able to heal."

Kyoko nodded and glanced up at Kakashi from the corner of her eyes. "That could very well be. Your subconscious knows better than you just what is needed. Let it guide you, don't fight to remember or not and it will come to you."

Kakashi sighed and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Yeah, I know that. I can't poke at it any more tonight anyway, I'm exhausted."

Kakashi looked up then, startling when he realized just how far the moon had moved across the sky since they'd started their walk. Hours had passed as he worked through his thoughts, talking his way slowly through what was in his mind. He glanced at Kyoko and nearly laughed at the look on her face. She'd been fully aware of the amount of time that was passing, but she hadn't pushed him, but once he'd reached the point he needed to be at, she was ready to give him hell again. Kakashi could only brace himself and grin behind his mask as he waited for her scathing comment.

"Well, I wonder why you're so tired. Maybe because it's the middle of the night and we've been walking for hours? If you'd come to my office like you were supposed to, neither of us would be out in the middle of the night walking around like a couple of lost kids."

Kakashi could only grin wider behind his mask as he shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, I said I was sorry. I'll be there when I'm supposed to tomorrow night."

"You better be. Don't make me have to come find you again," was Kyoko's parting shot before she'd faded into the shadows and disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Kakashi, what in the world did you bring me here for?"_

_"Why wouldn't I bring you here?"_

_"Oh don't look at me like that!" Sasuke chuckles as he moves closer to the older man, sliding arms around him and looking up into his eyes. "You really are a pervert, aren't you?"_

_Kakashi smiles down at Sasuke, holding his young lover close. "And if I am?"_

_"Hmmm, I guess it would just be one more thing to love about you. Come on, let's go in. After the brutal training I put myself through today, a soak in the hot spring is just what I needed. You always seem to know just what I need, and when I need it."_

_The grin Sasuke directed back over his shoulder toward Kakashi made the older man stumble, dropping the towel he was carrying. Delight fills his entire being and he moves over, wrapping Sasuke in his arms once again. "Now who's the pervert?" Kakashi murmurs just before his lips capture Sasuke's._

_"Well, you _were_ my sensei. What can I say? I learned from the best!"_

_Kakashi laughed and held tighter to Sasuke, smiling warmly down at the younger man. "Yes, you always were a fast learner. My best student by far."_

_"Your favorite student!"_

_"Yes, but maybe not for the reason you think."_

_"Really? Then what was the reason?"_

_Kakashi smiled and leaned down close as he whispered, "Because from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I wanted to kiss you. I could distract myself for hours just thinking about kissing you."_

_"Pervert," Sasuke whispered._

_"Yes," Kakashi whispered back just before their lips met again._

Before he was ready, Kakashi was drawn from the pleasant memory of Sasuke. Opening his eyes, he glanced around the hot spring, trying to figure out what it was that had drawn his attention, snapping the recollection. He was still alone. A faint sound drifted from the other side of the wall that separated the sexes in the hot springs. Sitting up slightly, Kakashi listened carefully until he heard a more definite sound telling him that he'd heard someone arrive on the women's side, which had drawn him from his recollection. He settled back against the edge of the pool, eyes closed again in an attempt to resume the pleasant memory when soft singing drifted over the wall to him.

"Furi dashita ame ni tomatta jikan. Zubanure no mama de tachi tsukushita. Anata no ashioto tooku natte iku tsumetai ame oto no shirabe no naka. Iro tori dori no kasa no hana tachi wo suri nukeru you ni kaeri michi hashiri. Nureta kami wo huku furi wo shite tomara nai namida wo kakushita. Missing you, anata wa anata no basho he tada watashi wa ugokezu ni. Missing you, furueru ryoute de dakishimeta subete wo wasurerareru yuuki."

Kakashi recognized Sakura's voice instantly, but even his surprise to realize that his former student had such a lovely singing voice couldn't distract him from the song she was singing. Sitting up again, he listened to the words, feeling an ache building in his heart. Shoulders hunching, Kakashi turned and climbed out of the hot water. He paused only long enough to grab his towel before hurrying back into the men's changing room. He dried himself quickly and slipped back into his clothes and left the hot spring as if he were being hunted. Barely outside of the door, he ran into another of his former students.

"Kakashi-sensei? Is something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, hi Naruto. No, nothing wrong. Just remembered something I forgot to do earlier. I was heading off to take care of it before I forgot again. Going for a soak?"

"Yeah, training was brutal today, but I can't give in until Grandma Tsunade names me the next Hokage."

Kakashi winced inwardly at Naruto's choice of words, and how close it came to what Sasuke had said in the memory he'd been enjoying not long before. "Well, a long soak will certainly help. Good luck with your training Naruto, I'll see you."

Kakashi waved to Naruto and hurried past, as he tried to put distance between himself and the pain that threatened. It isn't until hours later that Kakashi wondered if he should have mentioned Sakura's presence to Naruto. Once the younger man found out she was there, he no doubt would have done something stupid and made her mad at him again. In the end he decides that it was no longer his place to look after Naruto and Sakura. They were both chunin now, Sakura well on her way to becoming Jounin.

"I couldn't even take care of Sasuke properly," Kakashi muttered bitterly to himself.

"What was that?"

Kakashi started and looked up, blinking in surprise when his gaze falls on Kyoko. He was confused for a moment until he realized he was standing outside of the building where her office was located. In his stress, he'd automatically gone to Kyoko looking to relieve the pain he had been attempting to outrun. Just looking down into those deep green eyes made something inside of Kakashi relax, a warmth spreading through his chest. He didn't linger too long on this reaction, not ready yet to probe it and try to understand it. Instead, he gave himself a shake and stood up straight, smiling down at Kyoko.

"Oh, it's nothing, just muttering to myself. Are you busy?"

"Nope, my last appointment for the day left about twenty minutes ago. Did you need to talk?"

"No, well, not about anything important. I was just wondering if you wanted to go grab a late lunch with me."

The smile Kyoko directed at Kakashi made his heart jump into a rapid gallop. When he realized how he reacted to her smile, he felt heat crawl up his face under his mask. "Sure! I was just off to grab something to eat on my own. Good company, and good conversation always make a meal much more enjoyable. And I promise to not try and crawl into your head and fix you while we eat."

Kakashi laughed at that, a joke quickly becoming common between them. "Well then, I'll let you choose where we eat. Since you don't get to work on me, I should at least give you that, huh?"

Kyoko laughed and smiled at Kakashi again, setting his heart racing once more. "Yeah, you've got a point. Come on, I know just the place."

* * *

**AN:** For those that don't recognize the lyrics (and I'm betting that's all of you. lol) the song Sakura is singing is Missing You by TiA. You can look it up to get the full lyrics and translation. If you don't want to, here, I'll give you the translation of what I used:

"Time stops as rain pours down. Exhausted and dripping wet, I stand up. The sound of your footsteps becomes distant, in-tune with the cold rain. The various flowers on my umbrella don't fall off as I run back. Shaking and wiping my wet hair, I hide the unstoppable tears. Missing you, you went to your place, but I simply don't move. Missing you, holding in my trembling hands the courage to forget everything."

I don't claim any rights to this song, only my story and my OC. :p Missing You and the lyrics I used are copyright to TiA!


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi leaned back the chair he'd taken to calling 'his' chair since it was the same place he always sat when he came to Kyoko's office, whether the visit were official, or just to visit. He'd been coming to Kyoko's office on a regular basis for about a year, though in the past few months it seemed more and more of his visits were just that, visits. Rarely did he find himself needing to pour out his stress for her to help him cope. The fact that he needed someone else to help him cope made him uncomfortable to begin with, but it was the one thing at least Kyoko didn't give him a hard time about. She could be tough on Kakashi, but he knew that he needed her to be tough, and she did her job well.

Sighing, Kakashi rubs his eyes with thumb and forefinger, ending the rub by pinching the bridge of his nose. Dropping his hand back in his lap, he looks up at Kyoko, not noticing how pretty she was, which was becoming a rare occurrence for him. "Why do I feel like I have to keep coming here?"

"Shouldn't you be the one answering that question?" The smile Kyoko gave Kakashi was her professional one, barely a pale copy of the smile she gave him other times that warmed his heart.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking," Kakashi snapped back at her.

"There's something you've not told me yet, something you haven't let out. You might not be thinking it consciously, but your subconscious mind is letting you know."

"But how do I get it out of my subconscious? How do I bring it to the front so that I can deal with it?"

Kyoko watches Kakashi silently for several minutes until he begins to feel foolish, as if he were missing the elephant in the room. "Do you remember why we started these sessions?"

"Sure, I was living in a pit of self-pity and despair after Sasuke died." Kakashi stops when he sees the tension around Kyoko's eyes. He'd seen that look several times in the past, but this time he thought he understood it. "No, that's not it. I miss Sasuke. I still ache for him, but I'm healing. I've moved on with my life, hard as it's been. I've even found myself growing interested in someone else." Kakashi kept his voice as bland as possible on that last point, unwilling to go in to it while here to see Kyoko in her professional role.

Shaking her head, Kyoko sighs before she replies. "You're still not being completely honest with yourself. It's been over two years, you need to finally deal with that happened on that last mission."

Kakashi felt his heart begin to race, though this time it was for a much less pleasant reason than his growing attraction to Kyoko. Sitting forward in his chair, he frowns at the woman, trying not to let the inexplicable reaction show. "I have dealt with it. I failed, Sasuke died."

"That's not true, and you know it's not true, Kakashi. It's time you started being honest with yourself. I've tried to wait it out, let it come naturally, but you're clearly willing to just keep running, keep lying to yourself. I know it's probably easier that way, easier to deal with, easier on the heart. In the end, the lies you tell yourself are going to cause a much deeper pain than the truth."

"What... what the hell are you talking about, Kyoko? I'm not lying about anything, to myself or anyone else!"

"You need to go back and face that night again. You need to stop locking the memories away. You need to let yourself remember."

"Let myself remember? How could I ever forget? I watched Sasuke die! He died in my arms! I could never forget that!"

Kyoko shakes her head and leans back in her chair, sighing again. "No, Kakashi. You need to remember what _really_ happened that night."

"What really happened? That _is_ what really happened damnit! Kyoko, what are you talking about?"

Pushing up from her seat behind her desk, Kyoko moved around it and sat on the edge of it in front of Kakashi. "Ok, I want you to do something for me. Do you remember those breathing exercises you used to do to help center yourself when your emotions and thoughts were tripping over one another? I want you to close your eyes and do those breathing exercises now. I want you to clear away everything. All emotions, all thoughts, all memories. On that blank slate I want you to put Sasuke. I want you to remember the very last time you saw him. Don't force it, don't influence it. I don't want you to think, I want you to let it come naturally."

Kakashi frowned, but closed his eyes. It takes him a few moments to calm himself enough that he could even concentrate on doing the breathing exercises. Eyes closed, he breathed deeply. Breathing in slowly and evenly, letting out all feeling and all thought with each exhale. He continues breathing in and out until everything has slid away, leaving him floating in a warm abyss devoid of thought and emotion, and still he continued to breathe deeply until there was no longer even the sensation of nothing. An image begins to form in the back of his mind, but Kakashi doesn't concentrate on the image, letting it come as it will. Slowly, Sasuke converges from memory.

_Sasuke_ _was looking at Kakashi with pain in his eyes. Pain and regret. There was blood on Sasuke, but not as much as their should have been. He wasn't laying down, he was standing. Kakashi was standing across a wide field, looking at Sasuke. Sasuke opened his mouth, saying something to Kakashi, but no sound came out. No words came from those slowly moving lips. Everything around Sasuke faded until there was only the weary sadness in his eyes, and his silently moving lips. The memory begins to expand again, other details filling in, and slowly Sasuke's voice begins to fill the silent void, but soft, as if from a great distance._

_"Kakashi, I'm sorry. Thank you for trying to help. Thank you for loving me. You made my life better. But now, I-"_

Kakashi jerks and pulls himself from the memory with a pained cry. He slumps forward in the chair, confused and scared by the memory. Panting raggedly, he lifts his head and looks wildly around the room, confused for a moment as to where he was. His gaze settles on Kyoko, kneeling in front of him, looking concerned. When she reaches out toward Kakashi, starting to say something, he jumps from the chair and stumbles around behind it. It takes him a moment to realize that he wasn't just trembling, he was shaking his head so hard his body was shaking with his need to deny the memory.

"No, no, that's not true! That's not what happened!"

"Kakashi, you-"

"NO," Kakashi screams before turning and running from the room. He staggers out of the building that Kyoko's office was in, not even noticing that he'd been in her office for so long that the warm evening had grown late, leaving the streets of Konoha deserted.

Kakashi runs headlong through the warm darkness, trying to outrun the memory. Trying to forget what he'd remembered. Trying not to think. He's so concentrated on trying not to remember what his mind was feeding back to him, that he doesn't pay attention to where he was running until he finally stumbled to a stop, panting harshly and sweating profusely. Looking up, dazed, Kakashi finds himself standing at his own front door. He blinks confused for a moment, then slumps against the door, trying to catch his breath and still his mind, but afraid to use the breathing exercises as he used to, afraid that it would bring back the memory he didn't want. A sob forces itself from him, and his shoulders slump.

"Kakashi, is that you?"

Stunned, Kakashi turns slowly, wondering for a moment if his mind was playing a trick on him. When his gaze settles on the person standing next to him, Kakashi shakes his head weakly in negation even as he whispers thinly, "Sasuke?"


	7. Chapter 7

Backing up until he bumps against his door, Kakashi stares at Sasuke in shock. Briefly he thinks he's seeing a ghost, then the memories he'd been trying to outrun jumped forcefully to the front of his mind once more. Stunned, mind being battered with memories that he'd kept locked away unconsciously for so long and the emotional whirlwind that came with the memories drive conscious thought from him. Slowly, Kakashi slides down his door until he was sitting leaning back against the door, staring straight ahead, not really seeing anything. A soft sound somewhere between a mewl of pain and a whimper sounds deep in his throat, and hearing it pulls Kakashi back into himself enough to look at Sasuke kneeling in front of him.

"Sasuke? No, you can't be here... you died, I saw it." Kakashi pauses and frowns as he stares into familiar black eyes. "No, you didn't die... you left me. You went with Orochimaru. But... I saw you die."

Kakashi falls silent, trying to sort the memories, trying to understand why he was seeing two very different memories of the same day, slowly sinking back into oblivion. When he comes to himself again, he's sitting slumped in front of his door. For a moment he's not sure why he's sitting on the ground in front of his door, then the confusion of dueling memories clear and he remembers that Sasuke was there with him. Just as this realization strikes, he begins to hear voices close to him. Confused and needing time to sort out just what was going on, Kakashi doesn't move, not wanting to draw attention to himself.

"I don't give a _damn_ what you want! Right now you only have two options: you can either leave quietly and go back to Orochimaru and never return to this village again, or I can turn you over to the Anbu!"

"It's not your decision to make! Kakashi isn't a child, he can make his own decisions, and I'm not leaving here without him unless he tells me himself that he won't go with me. If you'd stop interfering I could ask him, and I'm sure he'd want to come with me."

"Look at him you damn fool! This is what your leaving and then sudden reappearance did to him! He's in no frame of mind to make any kind of decision right now! Even if he were, I don't think he'd go with you anyway, no matter what you might think."

"What did you do to him after I left? What have you done to Kakashi to make him like this?"

"_I_ didn't do anything to him! Nor did anyone else in this village! This is _your_ doing, Sasuke! You broke his heart when you left Konoha. No, you _destroyed_ his heart! You left him a broken man. He couldn't deal with your betrayal. He couldn't deal with your breaking his heart. After you left he locked himself away in that room and refused to move for days. When someone was finally able to get to him, he was already completely gone in his grief. When he spoke, he talked of nothing but your death. He was so broken over what you did with him, his mind created a lie that was easier for him to handle. It was the only thing that kept him alive."

"I'm not dead. He can see that for himself. He should be over joyed that I'm still alive. He's not acting like that though, you must have done something."

"You're not listening! Kakashi's mind created a new memory of the day you turned your back on your village and walked away. In his mind, you died in that skirmish with Orochimaru's forces. In his mind, he held you in his arms and watched as you died. His mind completely shut out the truth, and he lived with that lie for a little over a year before I came along to try and pull him out of that lie. I've been slowly leading him to it, but he's resisted remembering the truth. Tonight, it finally broke through. He ran from my office, confused. Finding you here waiting for him only made it worse, added to his confusion. What was already a harsh event was only made worse by your appearance. Seeing you forcibly ripped away the last of his mind's defenses."

There's a long silence after this. It goes on for so long that Kakashi is about to lift his head to see if the two had left when Sasuke finally speaks again, quietly. "I didn't know that. I've been watching for a couple of weeks now. He seemed happy. I figured he was getting on with his life, and now would be the best time to come and ask him to come away with me."

"He _was_ happy again. We've been working toward that for a year. Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?"

"I missed him. I _love_ him! I want him with me."

"If you loved him, you'd have never left him. Especially not the way you did."

There's a deep sigh filled with such pain Kakashi can't help the whimper that escapes him. He lifts his head and lets his gaze settle on Sasuke once again as his former lover speaks. "You're right. And I thought I was correcting that mistake now, but maybe I've just made another mistake. Maybe I should give him some more time."

Kakashi can only watch in stunned silence as Sasuke turns and walks away, disappearing into the dark. He starts to cry out for Sasuke to come back, to not leave him again, but a flash of the memory he was now beginning to understand was false comes to him and he slumps back against the door again, silent. When Kyoko turns to him a moment later, Kakashi looks at her dully then closes his eyes as he lets his head drop forward again. He hears her move up next to him, and when her hand settles lightly on his shoulder, Kakashi lets go, a single sob breaking free of his chest before the silent tears start.

"Kakashi..."

"Why? Why can't he be really dead?"

Kakashi feels Kyoko stand up next to him, and if she answered his question, he never knew because he'd already begun to slip back into the reverie that had kept him that first week after Sasuke left. When he comes to himself again, he's laying in his own bed and the light coming in around the edge of the curtains over his window hold the edge of dawn. Turning his head slightly he finds Kyoko sitting in the chair next to his bed, deep black rings under her eyes, but a smile on her face. Her work smile, the one that was only a mere fraction of the smile he'd grown to love.

"Kyoko..."

"It's the next day, Kakashi. You fell asleep as soon as I got you in your bed and slept through the night and all of yesterday. It's nearly dawn now."

Kakashi nods and looks away from Kyoko, thinking clearly for the first time since the true memories had come to him. "He's not dead. Sasuke's not dead. He never died. He left. When we went to drive off Orochimaru's ninjas, he turned against us. Orochimaru stepped out of the shadows of a nearby tree and called to Sasuke. Sasuke just stared at him, a war of emotion on his face, I could see it. I didn't understand at first what was going on, then Sasuke walked over to Orochimaru. He turned and looked at me so sadly. He thanked me for being part of his life. He said that he had to go or he'd never be strong enough to beat Itachi." Kakashi paused as a single tear trickled down his cheek. When he continues, he's barely whispering. "He told me he loved me, then... he was gone."

Kyoko watches Kakashi silently until his gaze turns to her once more. "Yes, that's the report I read."

"He left me. He said he loved me. He said he'd never leave me for anything, and then he left me! For revenge! Damn his revenge! And now the little son of a bitch comes back here!? What the hell was he thinking!?"

"He was thinking of himself, just like he always did. He wants you to go with him."

Kakashi rolls onto his back and covers his eyes with his hands, taking several deep breathes before he replies. "I know, I heard him. I remember."

"I wasn't sure how far gone you were, so I didn't know how much you heard."

"Ah, God this is so hard! I'm so _angry_ with him! But... I still love him. I guess part of me will always love him."

"Yes, love is forever. But that doesn't mean you'll never love again."

Kakashi lays silently for a few minutes until a calmness settles over both mind and body. Pulling his hands away from his face, he turns his head slowly to look at Kyoko as he replies. "Yes, I know. Now, I can properly mourn the loss of Sasuke and finally move on completely. Now, I can let myself love again, completely."

"Kakashi, I-"

"I love you, Kyoko. I have for a while now, but I knew I wasn't completely over Sasuke. I didn't know why then, but now I understand why. Now I can get over Sasuke completely, and if you'll have me, I'll love you for the rest of my life."

"I.. I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything."

"Kakashi-"

"No, Kyoko." Kakashi pauses and reaches out for her, gently pulling her from the chair and into the bed, wrapping his arms around her as he settles her onto the bed next to him. "You don't have to say anything. Just sleep for now. I can tell you haven't been sleeping while I was out of it. Well, now it's my turn to watch over your sleep. When you wake up, _then_ we can talk."

Kakashi waited, half expecting Kyoko to argue with him. She never did give up without a fight. It was one of her more endearing charms. When she didn't resist or argue with him, Kakashi turned his head to look down at her. Seeing she was asleep already, a smile that was warm and sad around the edges spreads over Kakashi's face. He tightens his arms around Kyoko and kisses her forehead before closing his eyes and letting sleep claim him again. He doesn't sleep deeply though, ready to wake at the slightest movement from Kyoko, or the least noise lest danger should find them. Kakashi's growing love for Kyoko demanded that he protect her as he couldn't protect Sasuke, or himself.

* * *

**AN:** I apologize this chapter is so late, but with the issues FF seemed to be having, I've been unable to log on. I tried everything I could for the past couple of days, then just gave up and kept trying to log on periodically. At last, I'm back on and here's the chapter for yesterday! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Kyoko slept through that day and night, waking early the next morning. She wanted to talk about what had happened, but the look on Kakashi's face kept her silent. Kyoko only hugged him, gave him one of her warmest smiles, and left. Part of him was sad to see her leaving, but a larger part of him was grateful for the silence and privacy of an empty room in which to think. He spent the entire day pacing his room, confused and nervous. He wasn't sure what was making him nervous, but he wasn't willing to look too deeply to discover what it was. So much was going on his Kakashi's head, he was afraid to add anything else to the list. He'd learned too much too quickly and had his world turned upside down, and now he was left trying to sort it all out. One more piece of understanding, one more change, no matter how small, could prove to be the one that finally broke Kakashi.

By the time night fell, Kakashi was exhausted emotionally and mentally, but was no less confused. Shoving his hands back through his hair in frustration, Kakashi turns to look out the window over his desk, watching the moonlight streaming in. Just as he starts to think that perhaps he needed to go to Kyoko, to get her help sorting all of this out, Kakashi's gaze settles on the picture of him and Sasuke; their last picture together. Something in Kakashi's mind clicks and he suddenly knows what it is he needs to do. Glancing around the room as if he were forgetting something, Kakashi pulls his shoes on and hurries out the door without a second thought.

When Kakashi arrives at the sight of that last picture, he's no longer sure he's made the right choice. Walking over to the tree, Kakashi stared up into the branches that waved in the slight breeze overhead. Reaching out a hand, he lays it lightly on the bark and closes his eyes, trying to will his mind to slow. When he hears someone step up behind him, Kakashi's shoulders slump and his head hangs forward. Clenching his hand into a fist, Kakashi squares his shoulders and turns slowly. His first instinct is to reach out, but with this instinct comes a deep pain, so instead he crosses his arms over his chest and slumps back against the tree.

"Why are you here, Sasuke?"

"Because I knew when you were ready to talk, this was where you'd go."

"No, I mean why are you _here_." Kakashi spreads his arms wide, motioning to the area around the two of them. "Why are you in Konoha?"

"I came back for you."

Kakashi gives a harsh bark of a laugh, making Sasuke take a step back. "You came back for me. As if I would stay here and wait patiently for you to return for me when you decided it was convenient for you."

"Kakashi, it's not like that."

"The _hell_ it's not like that!" Kakashi pushes away from the tree and takes the few steps to close the distance between himself and his former lover. "You lied to me! You lied to me, then you left to seek power from an enemy of the village!"

"I _never_ lied to you Kakashi!"

"You _did_ lie! You lied by omission!" Kakashi shakes his head and turns away, walking back over to the tree. Staring up into the softly swaying branches again, Kakashi takes a deep breath. "How long had he been contacting you before you left?"

Sasuke remains silent behind Kakashi until he finally turns to look at him once more, seeing the shock on his face. Laughing bitterly, Kakashi shakes his head. "I'm not stupid Sasuke. I know damn well you wouldn't just leave out of the blue. He had to _lure_ you away! So, how long was it?"

"A few months. At first it was only every once in a while, then he started coming to me, or sending messages to me whenever I went on a mission alone, or at least, without you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"Sasuke, please, after all this, after what you've done to me, to _us,_ the least you can do is be completely honest with me."

Sasuke sighs and looks away, unable to keep eye contact as he replies. "At first I didn't say anything because I didn't want to worry you. But then..." He trails off and shrugs, looking back at Kakashi, guilt lining his face.

"But then his poison had already begun to work. How long did it take him to convince you? A week? Two weeks? A month?"

Guilt made Sasuke look away again, then slowly down at the ground. When he answers, his voice is barely more than a whisper, but the soft breeze doesn't carry it away. "Two months."

Kakashi closes his eyes as pain grips his heart. "So, that last month we had together was just a lie? Why Sasuke? Why did you do that to me? If you couldn't be honest with me about Orochimaru, why didn't you at least leave as soon as you'd decided? Why that last month of lies?"

"Because I had to find the right time to get away from the village. And because I wanted to have just a little longer with you. At that time, I really didn't think I was going to ever see you again. It wasn't until right before I left that I decided I'd eventually come back when I could and try to bring you with me."

"Did you really think I'd come with you? Was that what made it so easy to leave me?"

"Yes, I did, but it didn't make it easy to leave you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love you Kakashi."

Kakashi shakes his head sadly and slumps back against the tree behind him once again. "Once I woke up with the memories of what _really_ happened that day, I had to go through everything and sort out what was true from what was a lie. I lied to myself all this time because I couldn't handle the pain of losing you. Not like that.

"At first, I thought it was all a lie. From the very start you lied to me, you didn't love me." Kakashi holds up a hand to stop Sasuke before he can speak. "I don't think that anymore. I do believe that you loved me. I don't think what we had was a lie. But, I also believe that in the end, that love wasn't enough. In the end your desire for revenge was stronger than your love for me. That blackness in your soul ate away at you until there wasn't any room left for love, for me. When Orochimaru came to you, he effectively clipped off the last link that you had to that part of you that loved me."

"That's not true! I _do_ love you Kakashi! Even now, still, after all this time, I love you!"

Kakashi shakes his head sadly. "No Sasuke, you don't love me. Not anymore. Not really."

"Don't say that! I _do_ love you!"

"You love me so much, you broke my heart. You nearly broke my sanity. I was so _lost_ without you Sasuke! How could you do that to me if you loved me?"

"Kakashi, I'm so sorry. I didn't know it would be that hard on you."

Anger flared for the first time in Kakashi and he stalked back over to Sasuke. "You didn't know? More like you didn't think! In all the time Orochimaru was poisoning your mind, did you ever once think about what his offer would do to me if you accepted it? Be honest Sasuke, you owe me that at least."

Sasuke looks at Kakashi for only a heartbeat before dropping his gaze to the ground in front of him, guilt eating at him. "No, I didn't. All I could think about was avenging my clan."

Kakashi nods, and closes his eyes for a moment before he speaks again. "I asked you this before when you were younger, but you're older now. What did you think would happen after you had your revenge? What would you have?"

"At the time I was talking to Orochimaru, I wasn't thinking about that. I wasn't thinking past my need to get the power it would take to be able to defeat Itachi."

"And now?"

"I'll have my revenge. My clan will be able to rest in peace." Sasuke pauses and glances up at Kakashi briefly before he continues. "And I'd hoped I'd have you by my side again."

"You're not doing this for your clan Sasuke, you're doing it for yourself. Stop hiding behind your slaughtered clan, using them as an excuse to make everything you do to attain your revenge okay."

Sasuke says nothing, only continues staring at the ground. After several minutes he finally lifts his head and looks at Kakashi again, moonlight shining in the twin tracks down his cheeks. The pain in his eyes matched the pain in Kakashi's heart, but the pain in Kakashi's heart had already begun to ease. Healing had already begun. "You should just go Sasuke, leave the village and don't come back."

"Kakashi, I-"

"No, Sasuke, just go. Go before the Anbu catch you. And when you attain the power that you want and defeat your brother, I hope you can learn to be happy again."

"Kakashi, please..."

"Please what? No Sasuke, you've made your choice, and now it's time you accepted the consequences of that choice."

"I love you, Kakashi."

Kakashi nods and takes a deep breath before replying. "I'm sure you do somewhere deep inside of you Sasuke. And I love you still. Part of me will always love you, but it's over. It ended the day you turned against the village and went to Orochimaru. Goodbye, Sasuke."

"Kakashi, I..." Sasuke stops and looks at his former lover, pain clear on his face. Fresh tears roll down his cheeks, but he nods and takes a step back. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and I hope some day you can be happy again. Goodbye."

Kakashi leaned back against the tree as soon as Sasuke had vanished into the night. After a few moments, he feels the warm trickle of his own tears. Slumping against the tree again, he lifts his hands and covers his face as the last of the pain grips his heart, then slowly fades to nothing. He cries silently for a few minutes, then slowly stands and looks up at the twinkling of the stars, feeling a lightness he hadn't felt in a very long time as the last of the burden of his grief eases away from him. Taking a deep breath, Kakashi stands up straight and turns to the shadows of a nearby tree and smiles behind his mask.

"You can come out now."

Kyoko steps away from the tree, grinning at Kakashi for a moment, but the smile slowly fades as she walks over to him. "Are you okay?"

Kakashi looks at Kyoko for a moment, then looks off in the direction Sasuke had taken before he replies. "I am now. I'm finally going to be okay again."


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi spent weeks after his talk with Sasuke walking outside, keeping to himself as much as possible. He was quiet even when he did run into friends. It didn't take his friends long to figure out that he needed space, though only Kyoko knew why he was so quiet and withdrawn again. Most of his friends were confused by the abrupt revert to his former state, but they all trusted Kyoko to be there to help him through it as she had the first time. No one knew that Kakashi avoided Kyoko just as much as he avoided everyone else. No one but Kyoko. Even though she knew why Kakashi had pulled away from her, and even though she'd expected it, it still hurt some, but she waited patiently knowing the day would come that Kakashi would come back to her.

There was at least one other person in the village that knew, however. One afternoon as Kakashi was weaving his way through the crowds on the streets of the village, he found himself brought up short by the sudden appearance of one of the Anbu Black Ops in front of him. Glancing up at the masked ninja, Kakashi sighs and nods his head, motioning the ninja to lead the way. He knew then that Sasuke hadn't managed to sneak in and out of the village without being noticed, and that he hadn't managed to hide his meeting with him from everyone.

Kakashi steps into the Hokage's office and looks at the woman behind the desk wearily. "What do you want to know?"

"Why was he here, Kakashi? What did he want?"

"I would think that was obvious."

"He came for you."

Kakashi only nods. After a moment, another thought occurs to him and he frowns. "How long have you been having me watched?"

"Since you came back from that mission. But that's not how we found out about Sasuke. The boy was sloppy, surprising since he was your student, Kakashi. He was spotted almost as soon as he set foot into the village."

"Then why didn't the Anbu arrest him?"

"Because I wanted to know what he was up to."

"But he's a wanted man. Why would you just let him go free."

Tsunade only looks at Kakashi silently, face giving nothing away. "Damnit my Lady, ninjas died on that mission! One of them Sasuke killed himself! Why did you just let him go?"

"Why did you?"

Kakashi winces and looks away from the Hokage as guilt rushes through him. "You know why."

"Yes, I do. Look, the truth of the matter is, Sasuke hasn't gotten away. He's being pursued by the Anbu. We're hoping he'll lead us to Orochimaru. He's the one we really want."

"And Sasuke's crimes are forgivable?"

"Of course they aren't. But you know that Kurama's death was an accident. Yes, Sasuke was at fault, but he didn't kill him directly. But in the end, if it comes down between bringing in Sasuke and capturing Orochimaru, the priority is always going to be capturing Orochimaru."

Kakashi nods and shifts his gaze to look out the window behind the Hokage's desk. "Was there something else you needed my Lady, or may I leave now?"

"If Sasuke comes back or contacts you again, I want you to let me know Kakashi. I know you love him still, but you've got to stop protecting him."

Kakashi shakes his head and smiles sadly, then turns and walks over to the door. He pulls is open, and just before he steps out, he looks back over his shoulder at the Hokage. "He won't be back, and he won't contact me anymore. It's over, he knows that. And don't make the mistake of thinking that my loving Sasuke is going to make me weak."

Kakashi closes the door quietly behind him and adds silently in his head, "_I couldn't protect him before, so I'm not foolish enough to think I can protect him now, either._"

With a sigh, Kakashi pushes away from the door and heads out of the Hokage mansion. He pauses just outside and glances around, not the least surprised to find Kyoko standing there waiting for him. He looks at her silently for a moment then walks over and looks down into he deep green eyes. It had been weeks since he'd laid eyes on her, and he didn't realize until that moment just how much he'd missed her. Lifting a hand, he cups her cheek softly and leans down, pressing a kiss to her forehead before dropping his hand away and taking a step back He starts to speak, but Kyoko cuts him off before he can even begin to draw breath.

"You know, a kiss is much more effective without a mask in the way."

Unable to help himself, Kakashi chuckles warmly, his face lighting up as some of the dark cloud that had been surrounding him since memory of what had really happened returned to him began to lift. Taking a deep breath and smiling behind his mask, Kakashi steps back over to the medical ninja and draws her into his arms, hugging her fiercely for a moment before releasing her just enough to reach up and draw his mask down, giving her her first look at his face. Smiling, Kakashi leans down to kiss her again, this time however, he presses his lips tenderly against her's, sliding his arms tightly around her once more, holding her against him.

Kakashi pulls back from the kiss and reaches up to tug his mask back into place before wrapping his arm around Kyoko once again. "Is that what you had in mind?"

"Well, it's a start," Kyoko teases as she grins up at him. "Damn you for making me so giddy. I'm like a school girl with her first crush. Very undignified!"

"Oh, well, you're a dignified school girl. You're the popular girl that all the other girls look up to and aspire to be like," Kakashi teases right back.

Kyoko laughs and pulls herself out of Kakashi's arms to give his shoulder a playful slap. "Oh stop it you." She slips her hand into his and turns, heading off in the direction of his home before she speaks again. "I figured it was only a matter of time before the Hokage came for you. But, the fact that you're out here walking around says she's not angry that you didn't bring Sasuke in."

"No, she's not. But then, what would be the point of her getting angry about it? It won't change anything. Besides, she knew that no matter what Sasuke did, I'd never turn him over to the Anbu. I just couldn't. Of course, I'd never do anything to help him get away. It doesn't matter, he didn't get in without being noticed. The Anbu are after him. They're hoping he'll lead them to Orochimaru. I think in the end, they'll bring Sasuke back too. I'm not looking forward to that day."

"You knew it would happen. When you realized the decision he'd made that afternoon, you knew that eventually he'd be brought back to the village to face judgment for Kurama's death." Kyoko pauses and glances up at Kakashi, brows drawn down over her eyes. "Speaking of which, why didn't you say anything to Sasuke about Kurama? I thought you would."

"I planned to. When I went out to confront him, I had every intention of making him face up to what his decision had wrought, but in the end I couldn't. Sasuke is so blinded by his pain and his anger over what Itachi did that there's a large part of him that is still little more than the child he was the day his clan was slaughtered. That part of him was healing until Orochimaru came along and reopened old wounds. In the end, I didn't see the need to add any more pain to what he already had. What good would it do? It won't change anything. And, like you said, eventually he's going to be brought back to the village to face up to what he did and what he caused."

Kyoko looks up at Kakashi, trying to decide if there was something more that he wasn't telling her. After a few minutes she sighs and shakes her head, knowing that if there were something more, when he was able, he'd tell her. "'What if' never helped anyone lead a healthy life, so we'll just deal with what is and leave what might have been for dreams. You did what you thought was right."

Kakashi nods, but doesn't say anything more. They continue to walk slowly through the village, hand in hand. When they reach his home, he pulls the door open for her and ushers her inside, closing the door behind them. He leans back against the door, eyes closed as he remembered the last time she'd been in his room. Kakashi suddenly finds himself inexplicably nervous, and rubs the palms of his rapidly dampening hands on his pants before opening his eyes to look at Kyoko standing in the center of the room looking at him. Kakashi takes a deep breath and walks over to her, smiling at the questioning look in her eyes. She never did quite manage to get out of the psychologist's frame of mind.

"I was just remembering the last time you were in my room."

Kyoko looks up at him silently for a moment, then nods. Reaching up, she grabs his mask and tugs it down, wanting to see his entire face. "Yes, you told me you loved me."

Kakashi nods, then smiles sadly at her. "Then I hid from you and everyone else for nearly a month."

Kyoko smiles and shakes her head. "It's ok Kakashi, I knew you were going to. That was a lot to deal with. If you hadn't hidden yourself away, I'd have suggested you either take a little time to yourself, or find someone else to talk to. I can exactly give you an unbiased opinion on the subject anymore."

"You can't?"

Kyoko shakes her head and smiles at Kakashi. "No, not any more."

"Why's that?"

"Because I love you too, Kakashi."

Smiling, Kakashi draws Kyoko back into his arms and captures her lips with his again, kissing he deeply, healing the last of the wounds in his heart.


	10. Chapter 10

_Kakashi stood outside of Tsunade's office, dread making his body run cold. He closes his eyes for a moment and draws in a deep breath to settle his nerves. The dread continues to curl in the middle of his chest, but he's better able to ignore it now. Opening his eyes again, he squares his shoulders and lifts a hand, giving the door three firm raps from his knuckles before dropping his hand back to his side. As soon as he hears Tsunade's call from the other side of the door, Kakashi opens it and steps into the room. He turns to close the door behind him, giving himself one last moment of ignorance before turning and moving to stand before the Hokage's desk._

_"You sent for me, Ma'am?"_

_The grim look on Tsunade's face made that cold dread coil tighter in Kakashi's chest, and when she speaks, her words make him forget that cold touch of dread. "The Anbu that I dispatched to follow Sasuke after he left the village returned late last night. I'm sure you already know that, but I figured you'd want to know what they reported to me."_

_Kakashi nods, licking his lips nervously for a moment before squaring his shoulders once more and looking into the older woman's eyes. "Yes Ma'am, I was wondering."_

_Tsunade only nods, then gives him the report she'd received the __night__ before, keeping her eyes locked on Kakashi's face, watching his reaction closely. "The group I sent after Sasuke managed to track him back to the place that Orochimaru was hiding out. They were quickly discovered of course, and a fight ensued. At some point, it's still unclear how, a fire began. They speculated that it might have been Sasuke that started the fire when using one of the fire jutsu his clan is known for, but it doesn't matter what started the fire, it's the outcome that was the important factor. Orochimaru escaped. They aren't sure how he slipped out of the fire, but they did see him running off. They attempted to pursue him, but were never able to catch him. He got away, again." Tsunade falls silent, glowering at the fact that Orochimaru had managed to slip free of them once again._

_Kakashi shifts his weight from one foot to the other and clears his throat. "And Sasuke?"_

_Tsunade looks at Kakashi again, watching him intently. She's silent for several minutes, just watching him before answering his question, quietly. "They never saw him slip out of the fire. It was assumed that he perished in __this__ fire."_

_Kakashi feels the floor sink away under him as the room begins to spin. His heart cries out in agony once, then falls silent. He closes his eyes and draws a deep breath to settle himself. When the floor is solid under his feet once more, and the room as ceased to spin around him, Kakashi opens his eyes and looks at Tsunade again. Squaring his shoulders one last time, Kakashi inclines his head to the Hokage before turning and heading to the door. Just before he pulls the door open, Tsunade calls to him, stopping him._

_"Kakashi."_

_"Yes Ma'am," he asks without turning back to face her._

_"They didn't find a body in the burnt remains of the building."_

_Kakashi jerks as if he'd been punched in the center of his back. Shaking his head, he pulls the door open and steps stiffly into the hall, pulling the door closed behind him. Leaning back against the door, Kakashi closes his eyes and draws a deep breath, letting Tsunade's words play through his mind again._ They didn't find a body... _Pushing away from the door, Kakashi heads off down the hall, finally ready to start his new life._

"Kakashi?"

Turning around, Kakashi instantly smiles at the site of Kyoko standing behind him. "How did you know I was here?"

Kyoko moves up slowly to stand beside Kakashi, letting her gaze travel over the black monument before them. "Because this is always where I find you when something is bothering you." She turns her gaze back to Kakashi, managing to look both concerned and annoyed with him. "You're thinking about Sasuke again, aren't you?"

Kakashi smiles ruefully then sighs deeply. "Yes and no. I was remembering when Tsunade told me about his death. I don't think he's dead. I don't think he'd let himself be killed so easily and so foolishly. He gave up everything to have his revenge on his older brother, and I don't think there was anything that could stop him from having that revenge."

Kyoko slides an arm around Kakashi's waist before looking back at the monument for the heroes of Konoha. "You're probably right. But, what made you think about that?"

Kakashi leans down and kisses the top of Kyoko's head before he replies. "Tomorrow is Obito's birthday. I was just thinking how different my life would have been if he'd lived. That of course got me to thinking of how different things would have turned out if other people in my life had lived as well, which led me to thoughts of Sasuke." Kakashi pauses and turns to Kyoko, reaching out a hand to rest lightly on her very swollen belly and smiling warmly. "But, I'd not change any of it, no matter what. All the tragedy happened for a reason, and led to this."

Kyoko smiles up at Kakashi and shakes her head. "You're a true romantic at heart, Kakashi Hatake."

Kakashi smiles and slides his arms around Kyoko. "And you are my whole heart, Kyoko Hatake."

* * *

**AN:** I know, this last chapter was a little short. Sorry. But, it was just meant to be a wrap-up chapter, and since there weren't that many loose ends, there really wasn't that much left to say.

That being said, I know I'm an evil woman for not letting you know if Sasuke is alive or dead. I'll leave that up to you to decide. Do you think he's dead? Or do you agree with Kakashi that Sasuke's drive for revenge would be enough to keep him alive?

On a side note, for anyone that's curious: It's a girl. :p (Isn't it strange that my muse wouldn't let me know whether Sasuke is alive or dead, but she'll let me know that the first born is a girl. lol That's how she works. I think that there might be a sequel to this story somewhere down the line.)

As always, I would like to thank you all for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed it. I'd like to give a special thank you to those that took the time to give me reviews. Your comments feed my muse and keep me writing. :D


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